


Caught Up in Circles

by pineapplesandcanopeners



Series: Under Pressure [2]
Category: The Breakfast Club (1985)
Genre: Blow Jobs, College, Embedded Images, Friendship, Homophobic Language, M/M, Romance, Thanksgiving, Underage Drinking, awkward family time, frat party
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-02
Updated: 2016-08-02
Packaged: 2018-07-28 20:11:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7655023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pineapplesandcanopeners/pseuds/pineapplesandcanopeners
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Andy and Brian have been dating for about a month when they go home for Thanksgiving. They are excited to spend time together away from school, but their families and other people from their past make going home again harder than they expected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Caught Up in Circles

**Author's Note:**

> Super gorgeous art by imera

“What do you think? Does this outfit say ‘frat party’ to you?”

“I don’t know. But I think that a guy who tries on different outfits to see which is the most “frat party” doesn’t really belong at a frat party.”

Brian stuck out his tongue. “Very funny. I can’t help it if I want to look cool.” He picked a shirt up off the floor. “What about this one?”

Andy smiled warmly. “That’s my shirt. You wore it home a week ago and never gave it back.”

“Ah. I thought it looked a little small.”

“Oh, now who’s the funny one.” Andy went over and adjusted the collar on the shirt Brian was already wearing. “You look cute, okay? So can we just go? It’s not like it really matters.”

“Really? Why the hell not?” Brian asked.

Andy shrugged. “Because it’s just gonna be a bunch of football players and sorority girls, and it’s not like you’re hoping anyone will be hitting on you, right?”

Brian looked at Andy with pouting eyes. “Come on, Andy. I’m just having fun.”

“Yeah, okay. You’re right.”

“Good.” Brian put his hand under Andy’s chin and pulled him in for a quick kiss. “So how did we end up getting invited to this party anyway?”

“Derek invited us.”

“I thought it was a football fraternity,’ Brian said.

Andy shook his head. “Mostly football, but some other guys too.”

Brian nodded. “Okay, we should go soon. But I still don’t know what to wear.”

“That one really does look good. I mean it."

“Alright. Thank you, Andy. I'll wear this.” Brian said.

Andy sighed.

Brian finished getting ready, and they headed out, bringing Brian’s suitcase with them to throw in Andy’s car on the way. They both packed earlier that day for their trip home, so they would able to stay out all night and wake up totally hung-over. Well, Brian could. Andy still needed to drive them back to Shermer.

When they walked into the frat house, Brian’s jaw dropped. “The movies always told me that frat parties would be full of beautiful people and John Belushi. This does not disappoint.”

Andy laughed. “Come on, nerd. Let’s go dance.” Andy didn’t know who was playing DJ, but their tastes were… eclectic. Derek once told Andy that they had a whole room full of records to use at parties, and they were certainly making good use of them tonight.

They had already played Talking Heads and The Bangles, and had now moved on to AC/DC’s “You Shook Me All Night Long.” The whole house was jumping up and down and singing out the lyrics to the song. Andy and Brian smiled at each other as if they were sharing a secret that they weren’t just two guys singing along. They were singing to each other. Andy’s hair was sweaty and bounced in his eyes as he danced along. Brian’s cheeks were red.  Andy could feel Brian’s breath on his face as he screamed along.

The song faded out, and a slower song, some Cindi Lauper ballad, started playing. Andy suddenly realized how close he was to Brian, less than a foot apart, and he wanted to close the gap between them. But there were so many people nearby, so he took a step back instead.

Brian always said “When we graduate. When we’re not wrestling, and we can move further away from our parents.” It didn’t make Andy sad to hear. It was right, it was smart, and it was safe. Safe didn’t mean being too weak to take risks. It meant Andy could watch the news without worrying that he would see Brian’s face. It meant not having to wonder what he would do if Brian was hurt because of him.

Besides, knowing that Brian thought that they would still be together in four years made everything else seem meaningless.

There was a pretty brunette girl nearby who kept eyeing Brian, and smiling when he looked over, so Andy nudged him towards her, playing the part of the best friend instead of the guy who was going to take him back to his room at the end of the night. Brian walked over and put a hand on the girl’s waist. Andy felt the bile rising in his throat, so he walked over to the drinks table in the other room and poured himself something that was red and vile-tasting, but strong enough to quiet the dull roar in his ears that wasn’t from the music.

A minute later, Brian came over and poured himself a drink. “What happened to the girl?” Andy asked.

Brian laughed. “Turns out I’m not very good at dancing.” Andy chuckled as he got himself another punch. “So is something bothering you?”

Andy shrugged. “I just wish I was the one that you were fucking up dancing with.”

“Yeah, I know,” Brian sighed. “But there’s something else, I think.”

Andy took a swig of his drink. “I don’t want to go home.”

“Yeah,” Brian nodded. “You could stay with me, you know.”

Andy shook his head. “Nah, my mom is expecting me. It would make her really sad.”

“Okay. I just thought it would be easy ‘cause my mom already knows about me.”

“She knows we’re dating?” Andy asked.

“No, just that I’m gay.”

“Oh,” Andy said. “It doesn’t bother her?”

“She says it doesn’t. I don’t know.”

“Ah.”

“I’m sorry. Should we go?”

“No way. We were having fun before I had to go and get all bummed out about… shit. We should stay and dance some more.”

They went back to the other room and danced for a while, until the rest of their teammates found them. The guys decided that it was time to introduce Brian to the world of drinking games.

It turned out that shots made Brian giggly and handsy. Luckily they were outside getting some air when he grabbed for Andy’s waist, so no one saw them. Andy rushed Brian back to his room and they made out until they both collapsed from exhaustion and vodka.

…

When they both woke up it was just before noon, which was way later than they had planned on leaving. Andy wasn’t really in a rush to get home, but Brian was eager to see his family, and it would take about six hours to get to Shermer if they didn’t make any stops.

Brian still smelled of alcohol and sweat, so Andy lent him a shirt so that he wouldn’t have to go back to his room or dig through his suitcase before they could leave. If Brian had borrowed one of his shirts in high school, it would have been a little short but still loose on his lanky body. But now that Brian was broad-chested and muscular it was a little tight on him. Andy was tempted to ask him to leave his jacket on so that he would actually be able to concentrate on the road while he was driving.

He was also tempted to throw Brian back onto the bed and rip the shirt off of him.

Finally, they were on their way home. Brian offered to drive the first shift but Andy knew that he wasn’t really comfortable driving.

“Just make sure you keep me company,” Andy said.

“Of course.” He lasted fifteen minutes before he fell asleep.

Andy laughed to himself, and turned the radio on. He couldn’t even be annoyed. Brian looked too adorable when he was sleeping.

He drove for almost two hours before pulling into a rest stop to get some food.

Brian woke with a yawn. “Have I been asleep this whole time? I’m sorry.”

Andy smiled. “It’s okay, Bri.”

“No it’s not. I’m a terrible boyfriend.” Andy melted whenever Brian said that word. “Let me make it up to you.”

Brian started to kiss Andy behind his ear, where he was ticklish. Andy laughed. “Stop that.”

“Really?” Brian asked.

“No,” Andy said, turning to kiss Brian back. He didn’t know how many times they would be able to do this before they were headed back home again.

After they finally went inside to get their food, and then headed out on the road again, Brian was determined to stay awake.

At first, he tried to get Andy to talk about his family’s plans for Thanksgiving, but when Andy clearly wasn’t interested, he gave up. They tried playing a couple of road trip games for a while, including a fairly dirty round of twenty questions, but eventually fell into a comfortable sort-of silence, just singing quietly along with the radio.

 Brian finally spoke again when they had just passed the “Welcome to Shermer” sign. “I know this week is going to be kind of weird, but I think it will still be good, you and me, back here together.”

“Yeah, I just wish it really was you and me together, though. I wish I didn’t have to be in the same fucking house as my dad,” Andy said.

“You know you can always call me, right? If things get bad and I’m not there.”

“Right. I know,” Andy answered. “But I’ll see you tomorrow, right?”

“Actually, I can't hang out with you tomorrow.”

“What? Why not?”

“I have plans. With a friend.” Brian looked nervous, for some reason.

“I could meet your friends,” Andy said.

“No, you can’t,” Brian said a little too quickly.

“Why? Are you embarrassed to be seen with me?”

“No, I didn’t… I didn’t say that, Andy.”

“Then what the hell is wrong?”

 “You can’t come because it’s Larry Lester!” Brian snapped.

And there it was. The dark, terrible thing that they carried between them. Somehow they had managed not to talk about it until now. Andy had hoped that meant that Brian didn’t think about it, but clearly he did.

The silence between them was deafening and Andy wanted to break it but he had no idea what he could say. When they were about a block from Brian’s house, Andy asked, “Do you want to get something to eat?”

Brian sighed. “Andy, you know I can’t. My family is waiting for me.” Andy just nodded.

When Andy pulled into the driveway, Brian turned to him. “Look, I’ll call you tomorrow. First chance I get.” He looked like he wanted to say something else, or lean over to kiss Andy goodbye, but they could see Brian’s parents through their living room window, and there wasn’t much else to be said. Brian got out and grabbed his bags from the trunk, and then went inside.

Andy watched through the window for a minute. He felt a sharp pang of jealousy when both of Brian’s parents immediately dropped everything to hug him. He watched as long as he thought he could without Brian noticing that he was still there, and then pulled away.

He knew that his parents still had work tomorrow, so he just drove aimlessly around Shermer until he was sure that his father had gone to bed. When he opened the door he realized that they hadn’t remembered to leave a light on for him. Andy quietly climbed the stairs in the dark, trying not to wake anyone, and crawled right into bed.

It was going to be really hard sleeping without Brian. It wasn’t like they were able to be together every night, but just knowing that they couldn’t even if they wanted to made it almost impossible to handle.

In the month and a half since they had started dating, if you could call it that, they had gotten good at hiding what they did at night. It helped that they had spent so much time together before, but it also helped that they really had a lot of exams to study for. On weekdays they had stacks of books and notes and blurred their eyes like they had pulled an all-nighter. On Saturday mornings they carried empty six packs out for recycling, as though Brian had just gotten too drunk to walk back to his own room. If anyone looked closely, they might be able to figure out what was going on, but it turned out people preferred not to notice things that might make them uncomfortable.

In reality, they mostly just slept. Falling asleep in Brian’s arms was amazing. It made Andy feel warm in a way that was like he had been left outside in the cold his whole life and just never realized it.

They did other stuff too, but not much. It was all hands fumbling under blankets and moans muffled by Andy’s pillow. He knew what it was like to have his bare chest pressed flush against Brian’s, with cum on their thighs and hands, but he didn’t know what it was like to have his lips wrapped around Brian’s cock. To have Brian inside him.

It wasn’t that he hadn’t thought about it. When Brian was talking and he bit his lip, when Andy was watching him wrestle, when they were kissing and Andy could feel Brian getting hard against his stomach. He thought about it a lot, actually. But he wasn’t in any rush. Brian was still a virgin, and though he might pretend otherwise, Andy wasn’t all that experienced himself. He was more than happy to keep feeling Brian’s cum on his fingertips, and since no one knew that they were dating, there was no one to know that they weren’t having sex yet.

Andy sighed. Thinking about being with Brian had made him hard, but he didn’t feel like jerking off. He just wanted to fall asleep, but even though he had spent most of his life sleeping in this bed alone, it had never felt so lonely.

…

Somehow, Andy managed to feel even more alone when he woke up the next day. His parents had both gone to work already, and the house felt entirely too large and quiet after living in a dorm room for the past three months. Worst of all, he couldn’t escape the ache of being without Brian.

He felt so angry with himself, knowing that last year he would have just called up one of his high school friends. But now he felt so separated from them, he didn’t think it would be worth it. And yet Brian clearly didn’t have that problem.

He didn’t know what was the worst part: that their relationship hadn’t changed everything for Brian, when it had for him, or that it was Larry Lester that he was spending time with.

He spent half the day lying in bed, imagining what they were doing. He pictured a few things he didn’t like picturing.

One time, Andy had asked Brian if their first kiss had been his first kiss. He was a little surprised when Brian said no.

“There was this guy in high school. Last year, after you had graduated. We made out in the front seat of his car, but I didn’t feel anything for him, so it kind of ended there.”

“Someone from our high school? Did I know him?” Andy prodded.

“He’s not out, Andy,” Brian answered, and they just dropped it. But now Andy was worried that the guy had been Larry, and now he was alone with Brian. Andy knew, well, was pretty sure, that Brian wouldn’t do anything, but what about Larry? What if Larry made a move on Brian? Andy didn’t want anyone else’s lips on Brian’s.

Or what if Brian mentioned Andy to Larry, and they started talking about what Andy had done in high school? If Larry reminded Brian how horrible Andy had been in high school… Brian knew why Andy had done what he had done, and he knew how awful he felt. But that didn’t change the fact that he did it. He had done a terrible thing, and he didn’t want Brian to start feeling like that made him a terrible person.

Andy didn’t realize that he had spent the entire day in bed until his mom came home at 4:00 and knocked on his bedroom door.  “Can I come in?”

“Yeah, Ma,” he answered without moving.

She opened the door but didn’t come all the way in. “I’m glad to see you made it home safely.”

Andy smiled when he saw her. His mother was a pretty woman with kind eyes, and with all his worrying about his dad, he had forgotten how much he missed her. “Yeah, I had company so the drive wasn’t too bad.”

“Someone from your school lives in Shermer?”

“Yeah, actually he’s on the wrestling team with me.” Andy had to try not to smile too hard when he thought about what else he did with Brian.

“Oh, that’s nice.” His mom looked like she was trying to decide what to say. “I hope you’ll come out of your room for dinner tonight.”

Andy nodded. “Yeah, of course.”

“Okay, well… I don’t expect to see you until then, but read or something? You don’t need to sleep the whole day away.” She gave him a knowing smile and left, gently closing the door behind her.

Andy sighed. He didn’t want to admit it to himself, but she was right. Why should he spend any more time pouting? He had done enough already. He opened his door and walked into the hall. “Mom? I’m going out. Do you need anything?”

“Some milk! Thanks, Andy!” she called back.

Andy got into his car and drove aimlessly around town for a while. He eventually found himself on Brian’s street, and he was almost tempted to stop and knock on his door, but he didn’t even know if they were at Brian’s house, and if they were there was no way that would go well.

He kept driving until he reached Shermer High School. There was a convenience store around the corner, so Andy pulled in to pick up some milk.

As Andy walked to the fridge in the back, he suddenly remembered the last time he was there. It was also the last time he spoke to Brian before meeting him again in college.

He was there after school picking up snacks and was just about to pay when Brian walked in. Andy froze when they locked eyes, and didn’t say anything for what felt like ages. Finally, he managed to say “Brian…”

“Hey,” Brian answered.

Just then one of Andy’s friends walked through the door and called out “Andy Clark!” as he pushed past Brian. Brian gave Andy a disgusted look before he walked away.

Andy tried to shake the memory out of his head as he paid for his milk and headed back to his car, but he just kept playing it in his head over and over as he drove home.

When he got back, his mom was cooking dinner. “Thank you, sweetie,” she said as she took the milk. “Are you going back in your room?”

“Yeah,” Andy nodded.

“Okay, I’ll call you when dinner is ready.

Andy was considering just sleeping until dinner, but he didn’t want to keep wallowing. He knew that things didn’t end great with Brian the night before, so he tried to think of something he could do to make it up to him. He thought about how the mix tape Brian had made for him made him feel so much better whenever he listened to it, so he decided to make one for Brian. It wouldn’t be as good, but nothing Andy did ever was.

He was about halfway through when his mom called him in for dinner. She had made roast chicken and mashed potatoes. Andy didn’t really feel like eating much. He only took a chicken leg and a large spoonful of potatoes.

“Are you trying to drop a weight class?” his dad asked. It was the first thing he had said to Andy since he left for college that year.

“No. That would be my coach’s decision,” Andy grumbled.

“Then why the hell aren’t you eating?” his dad demanded.

“Because I’m not hungry!” Andy snapped.

His dad pounded the table. “Your mom went through all this trouble, you’re going to eat her food.”

“Dear, please,” his mom said. “Andy, honey, you eat what you want.”

Andy nodded, and finished his meal in silence. He headed back to his room and started working on his mix tape again when the phone rang.

“Andy! The phone is for you!” his mother called from the other room.

“Who is it, Ma?”

“Brian? From wrestling?”

Andy ran over to the phone as fast as he could. “Hello?” he asked, trying not to sound too eager.

“Hey, Andy,” Brian said. Andy’s heart skipped a beat. He hadn’t realized how much he had missed hearing his voice. “So… I came out to my dad today.”

Andy couldn’t imagine what that would be like. “What did he say?”

“He said he didn’t understand why a guy would want to be with another guy, but he always knew there was something different about me so I don’t think he was surprised.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I think I am. I told them you were coming over after Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow.”

“You did? What if they don’t like me?”

“Are you kidding me? They’ll love you! That’s why I wasn’t afraid to come out to him.”

Andy smiled even though Brian couldn’t see it. They both sat quietly for a while, until Andy asked “So how was it with Larry?”

“Uh… good. Weird,” Brian answered. “I really wanted to tell him about you, but I couldn’t.”

“Because of what I did?”

“No. I mean, probably that too. But, like, he got really pissed at me when I told him that I was wrestling. Like he didn’t think anything would change when I went to college.”

“That’s stupid. You’re still you.”

“Thanks. That means a lot.” Andy could hear the warmth in his words through the phone. “Listen, Andy, I… uh, well, I…” Brian paused so long that Andy almost said something. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Andy’s heart sank. He wasn’t ready to hang up on Brian and spend another night alone. “Oh. Okay. Goodnight then.”

“Goodnight, Andy,” Brian said, and then he hung up, leaving Andy alone with his thoughts again.

…

Andy woke early on Thanksgiving morning and went downstairs to watch TV. He managed to watch all of the parade before his father came down and took over his chair and the remote control.

He decided to go into the kitchen to help his mom cook. He wasn’t the best in the kitchen, but he could use a knife pretty well, so he was able to help a little bit.

He was actually starting to enjoy working with her when his older brother came home and greeted him by asking "Where’s your apron, faggot?”

Andy nearly punched him, and he probably would have if his mom hadn’t sent his brother out of the room. Andy left too, going to his own room to lie down until the meal was ready.

He must have fallen asleep, because the next thing he knew his mom’s hand was on his shoulder, shaking him awake. “Andy, honey, dinner’s ready.”

“Thanks,” he mumbled.

“Are you feeling okay? You don’t need to eat if you’re not.”

“No, I’m fine,” he said. It would be kind of hard for him to explain going to Brian’s later if he couldn’t even wake up for Thanksgiving dinner.

The meal was delicious, and the conversation was almost bearable. Bu his relatives kept asking him questions about college, and it was hard to answer them without talking about Brian too much. “How is wrestling?” they asked.

“Good,” he answered, but he wanted to say that it was because he got to do it with his best friend.

“How are your classes?”

“I’m getting good grades,” _but not as good as Brian’s._

After the meal was done, he waited impatiently for everyone to leave, trying not to tap his foot on the floor too obviously. As soon as the last relative left, Andy called Brian to tell him he was on his way, then he rushed to get his coat and leave.

“Where are you going so fast, your girlfriend's?” his brother asked.

Andy just rolled his eyes and waved to his mom as he walked out the door. Thank God that asshole wouldn’t be there when he got back.

When Andy got to Brian’s, he was waiting for him outside the back door.

Brian pulled him close. “God, I missed you,” he said. Then he kissed him, _hard_. He pressed their lips together with such urgency Andy wondered if they would bruise.

“I missed you too,” he said as soon Brian let him get some air.

Brian kissed him again, and pinned him against the wall. Then Brian unzipped Andy’s pants and shoved his hand into his boxers.

“ _Brian!_ ” Andy hissed. “ _Your parents._ ”

“I don’t care. Shit. I missed you so much,” Brian whispered into Andy’s ear.

The cold November air nipped at Andy’s bared stomach, but where Brian’s fingers wrapped around him he felt warm.

“Brian,” Andy whined. Brian moaned back. “No, Brian, you have to stop. I can’t meet your parents with cum on my pants.”

“Fuck. You’re right,” Brian said, pulling away from Andy.

Andy willed himself to go back down, but with Brian standing there panting, his wind burned cheeks red even in the dim light, it was impossible. “Um, I’ll just keep my coat on,” he said as he zipped back up.

Andy followed Brian inside the house, preparing himself for an awkward introduction to his parents. Instead, they found Brian’s younger sister sitting on the couch, watching cartoons.

“This is Grace,” Brian said. “Grace, this is Andy.”

“Is he your boyfriend?” Grace asked.

“Yeah, he’s my boyfriend,” Brian answered confidently, even though Andy was blushing.

Grace looked him up and down. “Yeah, he’s cute.”

“I think so too,” Brian said, but she had already turned her attention back to the TV.

Just then, Brian’s parents walked down the stairs. “Oh, you didn’t tell us our guest was here,” his mother said.

Brian rolled his eyes. “Mom, Dad, this is Andy.”

“It’s nice to meet you both,” Andy said, shaking their hands.

“Brian, why haven’t you taken his coat?” she asked.

“Um,” Brian started to say, but Andy nodded to tell him that it was okay. “Fine, I’ll take his coat.” Brian put Andy’s coat in the closet, then said “I’m going to show him my room,” as he grabbed Andy’s wrist and pulled him up the stairs.

“Leave the door open!” his mom called after them.

“Yeah, mom, we’re gonna have S-E-X with my little sister in the house!” Brian yelled back.

“I know how to spell!” Grace shouted.

Brian led Andy to his room, and slammed the door defiantly.

“So, your dad’s kinda quiet, huh?” Andy said.

Brian shook his head. “He was being a real jerk today. He’s still not used to this, I guess.”

“We don’t have to do this,” Andy said, taking his hand. “I could go home.”

“No,” Brian said angrily. “I’m not gonna hide you from them.” Andy didn’t like seeing Brian pissed off, even if he knew he was right.

He looked around Brian’s room. It was decorated with a lot of posters, just like his dorm room in college. There was a Blondie poster right over his bed that Andy thought was really cool. He started to walk over to look at it, but then he realized that Brian might think he was heading for the bed.

“Do you want to go back down?” Andy asked him.

“Yeah,” Brian said, before snagging a quick kiss.

When they got downstairs, Andy expected Brian’s mom to scold him for slamming the door, but she didn’t even mention it. “Andy, sweetie, what kind of pie would you like?” she asked. “I’ve got pumpkin, apple, and chocolate.”

“Pumpkin, please,” he said.

“Chocolate for me,” Brian added.

Brian’s mom gestured for him to come help her in the kitchen, so Andy sat down across from his father. “So, you’re the one who got Brian into wrestling?” he asked.

Andy nodded. “Yeah, he’s really good at it.”

“As long as he’s not forgetting his studies,” he said.

“What do you study, dear?” Brian’s mom asked as she and Brian took their seats, and passed out the pie.

“A little bit of everything,” he answered.

“I told him he should consider a psych major,” Brian added.

“You don’t study engineering like Brian?” his dad asked.

“No, sir,” Andy said, shaking his head.

Andy ate his pie slowly because Brian’s parents kept asking him questions. When they had all finished, he offered to help clean up their dishes.

“Is that a gay thing?” he heard Brian’s dad ask in the other room.

“No, it’s a _polite_ thing,” Brian snapped.

Andy wanted to go back in and tell Brian it was okay. His parents weren’t as bad as Andy’s father, after all. But he knew that in their own way they had managed to break him in high school, pressured him to the point that he wanted to kill himself over a ceramic elephant. Andy finished washing up, then went back in.

“I probably need to go,” he said.

“It was nice to meet you,” Brian’s mother said.

Andy nodded. “Thank you for having me.”

Brian stood up. “I’m going to walk him out.”

When they got to the door, Andy turned to Brian and put a hand on his cheek. “You’re so strong, Bri. I could never do what you just did.”

“I did it because of you, Andy.” Andy closed his eyes as Brian leaned over and kissed him.  “Come over tomorrow morning?” he asked.

“Of course,” Andy said. Brian gave him a kiss goodbye.

Andy drove straight home, for once not worried about whether his father was still awake, and fell asleep thinking about Brian’s lips on his.

…

Andy went to Brian’s the next morning as soon as he called to say he was awake. They spent a few minutes trying to decide what to do. Brian wanted to fool around or study, and Andy just wanted to relax, so they settled on watching MTV while Brian did homework.

Brian curled up in the corner of the couch with a book, and Andy lay down with his head in his lap. He let Brian concentrate on his book until an Olivia Newton John video came on. “I had a huge crush on her when she was in Grease.”

Brian squinted. “Yeah, I guess I can see it.”

Andy turned toward Brian. “Do you remember who your first crush was?”

“You mean like an actor or something?” Brian asked.

“No. Anyone, I guess.”

Brian shrugged. “Kind of. When I was in kindergarten there was this first grader who I really looked up to. I was always watching him on the playground at recess so I could do whatever he was doing. So when I was old enough to know that I was interested in guys I realized I must have had a crush on him.”

“Do you remember who it was?”

Brian nodded. “Yeah, but it’s not important.”

Andy sat up and leaned closer to Brian. “Well I want to know. You can tell me.”

“I don’t want to,” Brian protested.

Andy nudged his arm. “Come on, Brian. Please?”

Brian sighed. “Fine. It was you.”

Andy couldn’t hold back his smile. “Really?”

“Yes. I kind of liked you off and on over the years. Definitely on in high school, until…”

“Until I started avoiding you and you realized that I was a total asshole?” Andy asked.

Brian sighed. “I said I didn’t want to talk about it. Now it’s weird.”

“It’s not weird. I already knew I was an asshole in high school, and honestly it just makes me really happy that you used to like me.”

“Okay, well… can I get some work done please?” Brian said turning back to his book.

“Yeah.” Andy tried to be good and just watch the TV so that Brian could concentrate, but it was just so hard. He picked up Brian’s pen, but he didn’t have any place to use it, so he grabbed Brian’s arm and drew a stick figure with glasses on it.

“Hey!”

“I’m bored,” Andy said.

“What the hell is that?” Brian asked.

Andy smiled. “You in high school.”

“I didn’t wear glasses in high school.”

“You didn’t?” Andy thought about it for a second, but couldn’t remember.

“No.”

“What kind of nerd were you?” He laughed.

“A nerd with perfect vision. Now, give me that pen,” Brian said, reaching over to take it away from him.

“No!” he said, trying to keep it away. “What are you gonna do with it?”

“Label your abs Property of Brian. Now gimme.”

They were practically wrestling on the couch when they heard someone clearing their throat. Brian’s mom was standing there with a disapproving look on her face.

“Can you boys go to the grocery store for me? I ran out of some ingredients yesterday,” she asked.

“Yeah,” Brian said sheepishly. “Do you have a list?”

Andy held Brian’s hand in his all the way to the store. It felt strangely empty when they had to let go. Every time they were starting to feel like a normal couple who had come home together for Thanksgiving, there was always a reminder that they were anything but normal.

“So, you get the milk and eggs and butter, and I’ll go get everything else,” Brian said when they walked through the door.

“Why are we splitting up?” Andy asked.

“Because,” Brian answered under his breath, “the sooner we’re done here, the sooner I can kiss you again.”

Andy chuckled, and blushed. “Okay. I’ll meet you in the front.” He walked back to the dairy section, but as soon as he got there he realized that Brian had forgotten to tell him what kind of milk to get.

He grabbed the butter and eggs, and was staring at the milk trying to decide what kind Brian’s mom would like when he felt a tap on his shoulder. “Andy?” a girl asked, and he turned to see Claire, who looked just as beautiful as the last time he saw her.

“Hey Claire,” he said.

“Oh, it’s so good to see you!” she exclaimed, giving him a hug. “I can’t believe it’s been so long!”

He nodded. “Yeah, it’s been a while.”

Just then, Brian turned the corner, and called “Hey, Andy, do you have this issue already?”

Andy shook his head and blushed.

“What’s that?” Claire asked.

“Um, just a fitness magazine,” Andy answered nervously, as Brian hastily threw it to the side.

Claire turned towards Brian, and her eyes widened. “Wait, Brian Johnson?”

Andy laughed to himself. Of course Claire would recognize Brian the first time she saw him.

“Yeah, it’s me,” Brian said. “Oh my God, it’s so good to see you!”

“So you guys hang out now?” Claire asked.

“Yeah, Brian and I are—“

Andy was just going to say “friends” but Brian interrupted him. “Hey, you know what we should do? You guys should all come over to my house tomorrow! It could be kind of a reunion.”

“Yeah, that would be great! Maybe around lunch time?” Claire asked.

“Sure. I’ll call Allison later, and make sure that works.”

Andy turned to Brian. “Wait, you have Allison’s number?”

“Yeah,” he said. “She kind of needed a shoulder to cry on after you guys broke up.”

“She broke up with me.”

“That doesn’t mean she didn’t care, Andy.”

Andy didn't know what to do with that information, so he turned to Claire instead. “Okay, so that takes care of you and Allison. And me, of course. But how will we tell Bender?”

“Wait, you don’t know?” Claire asked, surprised. “John and I are living together, Andy.”

Andy suddenly felt guilty. If Claire and Bender, who were possibly the two most different people he had ever met, managed to stay together, shouldn’t he have made it work with Allison? Of course, if he was still with Allison, he wouldn’t be with Brian, and that wasn’t something he ever wanted to think about.

“Okay, so my house at noon tomorrow? Can you remember the address?” Brian asked.

“Sure,” Claire said. Brian told her his address, and then she walked away, giving them both a hug before she left.

“Why didn’t you let me finish?” Andy asked as soon as she was out of earshot. “I was just going to say that we are friends.”

“Yeah, but I was thinking. Actually, I’ve been thinking about it for a long time,” Brian said. “I think we should tell them.”

“What? Why?”

“Because they already know more about us than anyone. And we all shared secrets with each other. This is a really big secret but I also think we both want someone to know it.”

Andy thought that Brian might be crazy, but he also knew that he was probably right. “Yeah, okay. Let’s do it.”

…

After the store, Andy went home for dinner, but invited Brian to come over later that night. His parents were in the living room watching TV, but stayed in his room waiting until he heard the doorbell ring.

“Is that a girl?” his mom called from her chair as Andy led Brian through the living room behind them.

“No, it’s just my friend Brian. We’re going to study in my room,” Andy called back.

“Okay, don’t stay up to late!”

Andy brought Brian into his room and closed the door behind him. He started to pull Brian over to the bed, but Brian was looking around instead.

“You don’t really have that much stuff in here, huh?” Brian said.

“I’ve got the Rocky poster,” Andy joked, but Brian was right. “I just never really worry about decorating, since I don’t want to live here.”

“Yeah,” Brian nodded, “but it’s also good to surround yourself with stuff that you like.”

“I like stuff,” Andy said.

“Yeah, like what?” Brian asked. “Tell me about what makes you happy.”

Andy thought about it for a second. “Uh, well… I like Saturday Night Live. But this season’s kind of lame so far.”

“That’s fair.”

Andy smiled. “And I like Duran Duran. And dogs.”

“Well now we have to break up because clearly I’m a cat person.”

Andy laughed. “And I like Footloose. And I like how hard you’re trying not to laugh right now.”

“That’s not true. Clearly you have good taste.”

“And I like you,” Andy said.

“ _Very_ good taste,” Brian corrected. He reached over and put his hand behind Andy’s neck, pulling him into a kiss. Andy pressed himself against him as they stumbled back and tumbled onto his bed.

Brian turned Andy over so that he was straddling him, and lifted Andy’s shirt up and over his head. He kissed Andy again, then kissed down his neck and his chest until he reached his pants. Brian started to unbutton Andy’s fly, and bent down to keep kissing lower, but Andy put his hand down to stop him. “Whoah, don’t… do that.”

“Are you not ready?” Brian asked. “I’m sorry.”

“No… my dad… in the other room.”

“Come on, he can’t hear us,” Brian whined, but Andy just shook his head. “Fine.”

Andy put his shirt back on. “Come with me.” He grabbed Brian’s hand and led them back down stairs.

They got into Andy’s car and drove in silence until they reached the playground a couple of blocks away. They climbed up to Andy’s favorite childhood hiding spot, and curled up together in a corner where even someone walking by couldn’t see them.

“Do you want to…?” Brian asked, nodding downwards.

“No. I kind of just want to hold you for a while ,” Andy said. “If that’s okay.”

“Yeah.” Brian kissed Andy on the cheek. “Yeah, me too.”

…

The next morning, Brian was rushing around his house like crazy, trying to make sure that everything was perfect for when their friends arrived. Andy just watched him, almost dumbstruck.

“Did I order the pizza already?” Brian asked.

“Yes,” Andy said, grabbing his hand as he tried to walk by. “Everything is perfect. Please relax.”

“I know, I’m just so worried.”

Andy chuckled. “Brian, they don’t give a shit what your house looks like.”

Brian tried to smile but he was too nervous. “I know. But this is something I can take care of. I can’t prepare for the rest of it. “

Andy pulled Brian into a hug. “I know. But everything is fine. You can’t do anything else. And we can still change our mind about the other thing.”

“I know. I don’t want to though. We need to do this.”

Andy nodded. He didn’t want to feel like it was just him and Brian versus the rest of the world forever.

There was a knock on the door. Brian let go of Andy and went to open it. Claire and Bender were standing together, hand in hand.

“No fucking way. What happened to you?” Bender asked immediately, looking Brian up and down in disbelief.

Brian just smiled, and gave Claire a hug.

Bender nodded to Andy. “And you, sporto. You look exactly the same.”

“You too, Bender,” Andy said with a smile.

Before they were fully in the house, they saw Allison walking up the front steps.

“Hey,” Brian said as he opened the door and gave her a gigantic hug and a kiss on the forehead. “I missed you.”

Andy felt a pang of guilt over the way things ended with Allison, even if she was the one who ended things. “Hey,” he said, giving her a small wave.

“So,” Bender said, cutting through the tension, “why are we here?”

Claire elbowed him in the ribs. “I told you, I bumped into them yesterday and we wanted to catch up.”

“It’s nice to see you guys,” Allison said, and everyone nodded in agreement.

Brian cleared his throat nervously. “I ordered a pizza, but it’s not here yet.”

“So, what have you guys been up to?” Andy asked.

“Well,” Claire said, “John and I have an apartment together, and we’re both going to the community college.”

“What are you studying?” Brian asked.

“Business, right now. I might try to get my bachelor’s in fashion marketing though,” she answered. 

Bender didn’t seem to want to answer, so she gave him a nudge. “I’m studying to be a veterinarian.”

“I don’t know why he didn’t want to tell you, he actually loves it.”

“That’s awesome,” Brian told him.

“I’m going to art school in the city,” Allison said, “and I’ve got my own apartment there.”

“How long did it take you to get here?” Andy asked.

She smiled at him, and he realized it was the first time he had said something to her since they broke up. “A while, but it was worth it.”

Claire turned to Andy. “Are you still wrestling?”

“Yeah, it’s… it’s a lot better this year,” he answered, glancing at Brian.

“Andy and I actually go to the same college now,” Brian interjected.

“Brian is actually wrestling now too,” Andy added.

Bender laughed. “So you’re wearing the tights now too?”

“Yeah, they’re not as bad as I thought they’d be” Brian responded.

Allison looked at Brian knowingly. “So you guys are good friends now.”

“Well, kind of,” Brian said. Andy felt his stomach drop to the floor, but he nodded to Brian to let him know it was okay. “Andy and I are, um, a couple.”

“Really?” Claire asked.

“Uh, yeah. We are.” Andy said. He had been worrying all day about what kind of questions she would have about this, but he never came up with the right answers.

“Well, shit,” Bender said, still somewhat stunned.

Allison looked at Andy. “I’m glad.”

“You are?” he asked.

She nodded, and Claire said, “Me too. You guys seem really happy. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this happy, Andy.”

She looked at Bender expectantly.

“Yeah. That’s pretty cool.” Andy expected to see him laughing, but he actually seemed sincere.

“Thanks, guys,” Brian said, as he reached over and grabbed Andy’s hand. “That means a lot.”

Andy didn’t know what to say. He just felt so relieved that there was now three people who knew about them, and didn’t mind. He realized that maybe all the hiding they had to do at school wasn’t the worst thing ever, because they still had these three friends at home who cared about them.

…

When their friends had all left, Brian turned to Andy with a look of relief on his face. “Well, that when pretty well.”

“Yeah,” Andy agreed. “Better than I expected.”

Brian took Andy’s hand and laced their fingers together. “So, what do you want to do for the rest of the day? The mall is still open for a couple more hours.”

Andy shook his head. “Actually, I was thinking maybe you could come over tonight? I kind of have something I need to do. I’m really sorry.”

“Andy, don’t be sorry. I understand.” Brian smiled. “So, I’ll see you tonight, then?”

“Yeah,” Andy said, giving Brian’s hand a squeeze. “I’ll see you later.”

“Can’t wait.”

…

Andy stared at the door in front of him. There was nothing remarkable about it, but it seemed heavy and imposing. He thought about turning back around, but braced himself and knocked on the door.

At first there was no response, but the door opened as he went to knock again. Larry Lester was standing across from him, looking just as small and weak as ever. When he realized who had just knocked, Larry flinched. “What do you want?”

“I just—“ Andy started.

“My dad is home. If I yell, he’ll call the cops.” He puffed up his shoulders, trying to make himself look bigger or stronger.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” Andy said. “I wanted to apologize.”

Larry was incredulous. “You came to my house to apologize? After what you did to me, you think that’s okay?”

Andy wanted to look down at his feet, but he knew if he looked away it would just make it worse. “I know. What I did was terrible, and I can’t fix it. But I just need you to know how sorry I am.”

“Why? Why do you need to tell me this right now?”

“Because Brian—“

“Brian?” Larry sounded startled to hear his friend’s name coming from his enemy’s mouth.

“Yeah, we go to school together.”

“And he told you to apologize to me?” he demanded.

“No. He doesn’t know I’m here,” Andy said weakly. Maybe this was a bad idea after all.

Larry’s expression softened briefly, and a look of realization crossed his face. “Oh my God. It’s you, isn’t it? You’re the guy that he’s seeing.”

Andy thought about denying it, but knew that there was no point. “Yes.”

“Jesus. Do you remember what you called me when you were holding me down, and… Do you remember?”

Andy swallowed. He knew now why he said those things, but it didn’t make it any better that he said them. “Yes. I am so, so sorry.”

Larry shook his head. “This is unbelievable. This is so unbelievably fucked up.”

“I know.”

Larry looked at him like he was thinking carefully about what to say next. “I will never, ever forgive you, Andy. But for some reason that I will never understand Brian really seems to care about you.”

Andy nodded. “I know. I don’t understand it either.”

“He seems really happy. And that’s good. So just… don’t fucking hurt him, okay?”

He shook his head. “I would never.”

“Good.” Larry stared at him for a moment, then decided there was nothing else to say, and shut the door in Andy’s face.

Andy walked back to the car, wondering if he had done the right thing.

…

He called Brian after he got home, and told him to come over to watch Saturday Night Live. Brian was running late, and while Andy was waiting for him to arrive, he decided to ask his dad something that had been on his mind all week.

He found him sitting in his favorite chair, watching the monologue. Andy waited until the commercial break, then cleared his throat. “Hey, Dad?”

“Yeah?” he asked without turning his head.

“Do you… do you love me?”

His dad turned and gave him a stern look. “Why, did you knock some girl up? Or kill someone.”

“No. Of course not.”

“Then what kind of stupid question is that,” He turned back to the TV. Andy knew he shouldn’t be surprised or disappointed, but he still was. Then his dad added “Of course I love you.”

Andy didn’t know what to say. He stood there for a moment in silence, watching his dad watch the TV. Then he heard a knock on the front door.

He opened it to find Brian there, smiling. “Hey.”

“Follow me,” Andy said, not wasting any time before leading Brian to his room.

“What about the tv show? I thought that’s why you invited me over.”

“Not now,” Andy said as he shut the door behind them. “I had a weird day.”

“Yeah? Do you want to tell me about it?” Brian asked.

“I went to visit Larry Lester today.”

“You did what?” Brian seemed both confused and worried. “Why would you do that?”

“I wanted to apologize,” Andy explained.

“What did he say?”

Andy swallowed. “He told me not to hurt you.”

Brian shook his head. “I know you wouldn’t.”

“I couldn’t. You’re so important to me, Brian.”

Andy took Brian’s hand, and placed a kiss against his palm, then did the same with the other hand. Then he leaned over and kissed Brian’s jaw, then his nose, and finally his mouth. Brian leaned into the kiss, and tried to lead Andy to the bed, but Andy pushed him backwards instead until they hit the wall.

Andy kept kissing Brian until he heard him let out a moan. Then he dropped to his knees and started to unbutton Brian’s fly.

“What are you doing? Aren’t you worried about you Dad?” Brian asked in a hushed tone.

“No, he’s too busy. He won’t notice.” Besides, Andy really wanted to do this. He didn’t know how, but something about seeing Brian after the day he had made him switch off that part of his brain that would normally be screaming at him not to do something this stupid in his own room.

Andy finished pulling Brian’s pants and boxers down to his ankles, then looked him in the eye as he took him into his mouth. Brian gasped and leaned his head back against the wall. “Andy,” he moaned.

He put his hands on Brian’s hips to steady himself, and started rocking his head back and forth so that his lips and tongue slid against Brian’s cock. It hit the back of his throat a few times, which felt uncomfortable and almost made him want to gag, but the way that Brian’s breath was catching and he was already struggling to hold himself up kept Andy going.

Soon Andy felt Brian’s hand on his shoulder, his grip tight. “Andy! Andy, I can’t. I’m gonna—“ He tried to push Andy back, but Andy moved his hand away and looked up at Brian again. “Fuck,” he said, before biting his fist to hide his moans as he came into Andy’s mouth.

Andy almost couldn’t believe how amazing it was watching Brian fall apart like that.

Brian put his hand back on Andy to steady himself. “Andy, I—‘ Brian started. He tried to speak but couldn’t seem to get the words out.

“That was good?” Andy asked as he helped Brian get his pants back on.

“Shit, yeah. That was amazing.”

Andy stood up and gave him a small kiss. “Glad I could make you happy.”

“You always make me happy,” Brian said. “Did you want me to… make you happy?”

“No,” Andy shook his head.

“Well, do you want to go watch the show?” Brian asked.

Andy gave him another kiss. “Can we just stay here for a while?”

Brian nodded, and pulled Andy onto his bed. He wrapped his arms around Andy and pressed his mouth against his neck, and Andy closed his eyes as he felt Brian’s lips press against his skin over, and over, and over again.

…

Andy got to Brian’s house early that morning, so he waited in the driveway for ten minutes while he knew Brian was inside rushing around and saying goodbye to his parents.

Brian finally came out the front door at exactly nine o’clock. He threw his bags into the trunk and hopped into the passenger seat. “Ready to go?” Brian asked.

“Yeah,” Andy said as he pulled into the street.

“Can I put on the radio?”

“Actually, there’s a cassette I wanted to listen to. It’s in the glove box.”

Brian pulled out the cassette. It said “For Brian” and had a heart drawn on it, just like the one he had given Andy the month before. “You made this?” Brian asked.

“Yeah, earlier this week.” Andy answered with a smile.

Brian put the tape into the deck, and Cyndi Lauper’s “Time after Time” started playing.

“Is this the song that was playing at the party?”

“Yeah. I thought maybe we could dance to it later in my room. I know it won’t be quite the same, but—“

“I love you, Andy,” Brian blurted out.

Andy was startled. “You do?”

“Yeah,” Brian said.  He realized that Brian must have been trying to tell him so all week.

Andy looked over at Brian for a moment. His eyes were sparkling like Andy had never seen. “I love you too, Brian.” He turned back and looked at the road stretched out before them. “I really do love you.”

 [(imera)](http://imera.livejournal.com/36516.html)


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